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hey!

welcome to on the LEAUX, a digital space for those striving to live authentically, even while struggling mentally.

always forward; forward, always | on 2018’s word of the year: perseverance

always forward; forward, always | on 2018’s word of the year: perseverance

i have been attempting to adhere to a “word of the year” in some form or fashion for approximately seven (7) years. i’ve done Pinterest boards, vision boards, notebooks, planners, etc. and i always do well for about a month...and then i fall right back into my routine of chaos and inefficiency. that’s pretty indicative of me: incredible at goal-setting, not-so-incredible at goal-accomplishing. i love everything about planning, especially when given the opportunity to infuse creativity into the process. however, my execution sucks when it comes to said plans. i’m not sure what will make this year different, or if this year will even be different. BUT i chose my one word anyway, so we’ll just have to see how it goes.

P E R S E V E R E.

originally, i chose the word “forward” for 2018. the word brought to mind a sense of pushing on towards my goals, and - of course - the words repeated throughout the “Luke Cage” series:

 “forward, always.” 😭

“forward, always.” 😭

however, per the suggestion of a friend, “forward” has been upgraded to “persevere.” via merriam-webster.com:

persevere: verb | per·se·vere | \ ˌpər-sə-ˈvir \ | to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement

let me tell you, 2017 was a rough one, full of obstacles, discouragement, and disappointment (and not just because of the circus in and surrounding he-who-must-never-be-named’s white house. ugh.):

  • i took my meds, which was cool, but i still struggled with managing my emotions and then began taking them inconsistently. yeah, i know better. yeah, i skipped doses anyway. smh.

  • i tried a therapist, which was cool, but i never returned after the initial visit because 1). expensive and 2). i just wasn’t feeling it.

  • i started this blog, which was cool, but i quickly became inconsistent with posting, eventually stopping completely (goal-setting > goal-implementing, remember?).

  • i started my third year of teaching, which was cool, but i struggled with time management and felt that i should have been doing a better job as a teacher with [some] experience.

 i know, boo. i know. #DrakeIsSoBae

i know, boo. i know. #DrakeIsSoBae

clearly, inconsistency could have been my word last year. h o w e v e r, i have decided to persevere rather than let those failures hold me back.

  • i am working on my self-awareness when it comes to my moods + emotions by journaling + reflecting 3+ times per week.

  • i am still iffy about therapy, but i am striving to stay consistent with meds and to recognize what state of mind and why i’m in when i miss a dose.

  • i am back to writing, as i realize it to be a vital piece of my own journey to mental wellness, and i know the power of sharing one’s story with others.

  • i am giving myself credit when i deserve it as a teacher. i mean, i recently wrote and performed a moderately well-received four-song mini-musical to recap Act I of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar for my pre-AP students. where they do that at?

i say all of that to say this: i chose the word persevere because i have finally come to realize that i am greater than my failures, flaws, and inconsistencies. i have acknowledged and accepted my mental illness, rather than denying it; perseverance. i have taken steps to monitor and manage my mental health, rather than hoping it would fix itself; perseverance. i have re-realized that one of my purposes in life is to encourage and inspire others by sharing my story both through this blog and through speaking, rather than being ashamed of my past and my struggle; perseverance. i have pushed myself to become a better, more effective educator each year, rather than become complacent in mediocrity; perseverance.

 only president we acknowledge is OBAMA. #44Forever

only president we acknowledge is OBAMA. #44Forever

each day, i choose to persevere, pushing past my insecurities and shortcomings in order to celebrate my individuality and successes. even if i forget about my one word in a few weeks, it will already have guided me into accomplishing more than enough in the past month and a half.

let me know: what’s your one word? what will help keep you focused during 2018? holler at me in the comments and let me know!

❤️ lauren dee.

overcoming fear with F.A.I.T.H.

overcoming fear with F.A.I.T.H.

Jenifer MF’n Lewis is My Auntie (In My Head): On Audiobooks & The Mother of Black Hollywood

Jenifer MF’n Lewis is My Auntie (In My Head): On Audiobooks & The Mother of Black Hollywood