on the LEAUX.

INTRO

“Here she go, starting a series when it’s been three years since her last post, which was also supposed to be the first of a series…”

I know, I know. I can’t promise it will be different this time, either. But for now, I’m back with some things to get off of my chest. Some stories to share. Some wisdom (?) to impart. 34 has been… a year, to say the least. As I come to the end of the first half of my thirties, I thought back to #30andthriving? The beginning of my 30s was marked with so much change, transition, and uncertainty, even before Tha Rona hit. As I come up on my 35th birthday, it feels like a huge milestone. And there are still plenty of changes, transitions, and uncertainties in the mix. And I am embracing them all with arms wide open. Mostly.

Part of that embrace, of course, includes writing about it. So here I am, once again. Hopefully, you didn’t miss me too much. 🙂

GIRL, THE TITLE SAYS YOU HAVE A TEENAGER!?

Yeah, sooo…yeah. My sweet baby girl turned 13 yesterday. The running joke in the family is that her age finally matches the attitude she’s had for about three years, which is absolutely an accurate assessment.

But y’all, a teenager! A beautiful, brilliant, brainy teenager, who falls down new rabbit holes of obsession a few times a month; who deals with middle-school-girl-drama with grace and maturity that astounds me; who practices skincare twice a day religiously; who reads via audiobooks and does her research on everything from mushrooms to Scream edits to homemade remedies via TikTok (the girl is Gen Z to the core, I tell ya). She is now a teenager. Officially.

Of course, I am completely, unabashedly biased, and I know that she is the most amazing kid ever born. Does she appreciate my sentimental stares in the morning while she’s doing her hair and makeup for school? No. Does she shade me when I ask her to zip up a dress and it catches a little on my back rolls? Yes. Does she give any consideration to the fact that I have bills to pay when she asks me when I’m purchasing her latest SHEIN cart? Never. Does she give the best/worst side-eyes when I suggest an item of clothing that doesn’t fit her vibe? Every single time.

And yet, she is still the most amazing kid ever born. Unapologetic, authentic, and aesthetic. Happy 13th birthday, sweet baby. I love you forever and always, even when you squeeze my back fat while giving me the hug that I had to beg for. 🙄

SPEAKING OF BACK FAT…

Long story short, last October, I basically overdosed on caffeine (IKR) and had a seizure while chaperoning a student trip in Atlanta. You can find the full story on Instagram, but that’s the gist of it. In the months afterward, I got up to the heaviest weight that I have ever been in in my LIFE. And I felt it. And I looked it. But I really felt it. Now, don’t get me wrong: ya girl is cute at every size. And, at 4’11” and 218 lbs., ya girl also felt like a busted can of biscuits. 

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A post shared by lauren. 🫶🏽✨ (@elledeedubb)

Pictures and videos of me in this dress (plus some health scares with close family members) are what finally made me take action and prioritize my physical health. Yes, this blog is mostly about mental health, however, my physical health was so poor that it was definitely beginning to take a toll on all other aspects of my life. I mean, seriously: do you know how internally embarrassing it is to get out of breath after climbing into the bed? 😖

Truly, though, this picture was my wake-up call. So in March, I started a keto-adjacent program, and suffice it to say, it’s treating me well. I struggled a LOT in the first month with self-discipline and sticking to the protocol. I love to eat, and of course, my favorite foods are pizza, cheeseburgers, and ice cream. All of which I am not currently eating. 😭 I hated the fact that I couldn’t have certain foods, and I focused on that lack instead of focusing on what I get to have. I’ll probably go into it more once I’ve reached my goal, but as someone who has been extremely lackadaisical (read: lazy) regarding my physical health for a LONG time, I did want to share my greatest takeaways since prioritizing this area of my life:

1. I can be disciplined, even if it does not come naturally.
2. I am a better mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, mentor, colleague, and person when I take care of myself in ALL ways.
3. I can put as much work into my health goals as my professional goals.
4. I am capable of every single thing on which I focus my energy, attention, and ambition.

OUTRO

So there you have it. I’ll do my absolute best to see you in two weeks with another installment of “Countdown to #THIRTYTHR5VE”. Wish me luck hehe.

Oh, and one more thing: as I’ve been thinking about On the LEAUX and what I want it to be, I had two thoughts. The first was that I want this to continue to be a space where we “Smash the Stigma through Shared Stories”. For now, the stories shared are mine, but eventually, I hope to be able to share others’ stories, too.

The second was about where I write from, and it came to me as I was rewriting OTL’s Instagram bio. I am writing at the intersections of being a:

• Black woman (duh)
• Mother of a teenage Black girl (how!?)
• Millennial in her mid-30s (periodT)
• Person living with Bipolar 2 Disorder (and anxiety and probably ADHD)
• Higher education professional (and soon to be Ph.D. student 😰)

Who cares, right? But I think that these intersections are important to note because (1) none of these identities exist in a vacuum, and (2) all of these identities impact the way I experience and move through life. I’m sure I’ll get more into it later…and by later, I (hopefully) don’t mean in 2026. LOL.

Talk soon (probably),

🖤  Lauren 🌻